When I found out that I was expecting our first child, I remember promising The Grumpy Egyptian that I would be the best mum ever. I had these dreams of my little one never feeling sad, never getting sick and never wanting. That hasn't quite worked out and now I find myself having to deal with the realisation that sometimes just being good enough is as best as I can do.
My Twitter followers would have read this week about my struggles with lack of sleep because the Mini Grumpy Egyptian is suffering her first cold. In the past four days I have visited Boots everyday and left with some form of medicine or device aimed at easing the little ones symptoms. Today when I visited, the sales assistant who was also a mum, and I found ourselves talking about how despite not knowing whether an item would work, we would still pay any amount if there was a chance it would make the mini one feel better. I can't magic away her illness or wave a sleepy wand, but I can keep getting up during the night to hold her, comfort her and suck the snot out of her nose with a creepy tube that is as gross as it sounds.
Often I hear stories from fellow mums about how great their child sleeps or how they are ahead of others in their milestones. And let's face it, those who think they are an expert when it comes to raising children are often the ones that do things in a way that is drastically different to how you would do things. While new mums may often be described as being overly sensitive, the best thing I've leant since becoming a mum was to ignore 99% of people's advice! Sure some of it is great and I know most just mean well. But often it ends up making me feel like I'm failing in some way or not being as good as the other mums because I don't make playdough from scratch or buy organic cotton babygrows from sustainable sources. And don't get me started on washable nappies. Life is just too short.
|A babygrow that I saw for sale at a recent Little Pickles Christmas Market|
I read to my daughter. I play music and dance around the bedroom like an eejit with her. I make sure to choose healthy foods for her so hopefully she doesn't grow up with my ferocious sweet tooth. I play with her and point things out to her when we are out walking and embarrass myself by singing "Teddy Plays on the Swing" in the middle of the high street. I might not be supermum and sometimes I do get frustrated when she cries or sad when I'm sleep deprived. But then that smile when she wakes up and sees my face or laughs because I've blown raspberries on her tummy makes all the nasty bits of motherhood seem so insignificant. So for now I am going to try my hardest to not beat myself up about the things I don't do or can't do and concentrate on the thing I can do better than anyone else - love her. With everything else, I will just have to settle with being good enough, for now.