A chat with my health visitor today gave me a couple of different techniques to try out - we are already big fans of Ewan the Dream Sheep, but unfortunately he has calmed her rather than made her sleep in the long run. We have had a routine in place since her birth as when we were in Oman and I was home alone most evenings, it helped keep me sane following a set pattern. The routine consists of quiet playtime, a story and cuddle, relaxing music (Bach or Mozart normally) playing in the background, bath, sleeping bag, breastfeed - here lies the issue - and then in her cot once she's asleep.
In the past 3 months or so she has got miles better in that she will actually be put down 8 out of 10 times without screaming the house down, but breastfeeding to sleep has meant that I'm forced to get up every time she wakes in the night as she relies on the boob to nod off. We've managed to reduce night feeds, but she often needs picking up or being cuddled to sleep. Given that I will need to start working in the very near future, I would be unable to function on such little sleep.
Tonight, as I write this, I'm sat outside my bedroom trying to man up a bit! Hearing your child cries breaks a parent's heart and I am really against crying it out. Instead the plan we devised meant I would follow the usual routine including the breastfeed and then just as she was starting to doze off, I would pop her in her cot, give her a kiss, turn the white noise maker on and leave the room.
At first she grumbled and then began to cry that kind of "I'm a bit annoyed, but can cope" cry she does when she's unimpressed. After 5 minutes, I went in, settled her by shushing and then left again. The grumbling started a couple of minutes later before the "I hate you" cry began. That lasted exactly eight minutes of the ten I was supposed to leave it before she grumbled and went quiet. I just popped my head in and she's fast asleep.
Do I feel evil for allowing her to cry? Yes. I feel like my chances of winning mum of the year have just been washed away, but she is asleep. I need to remind myself that I'm doing this to help her and it isn't like her first day with a childminder/nursery won't provoke such a horrid reaction either. No one likes doing something new and no normal parent likes hearing their child cry, but I really hope this helps her sleep. If she's well rested and so am I then I think we can have more fun together... Or at least that's the plan.
How did you tackle getting your little ones to sleep? Any advice or tips that worked for you?
The Egyptian Mummy x
Awww its so hard :( we had a winnie the pooh projector thingummy, which would glow and play music when it heard him stirring. On nights when for whatever reason he wouldn't go to sleep, I started off sat next to the cot so he could see me, maybe even hold his hand. Then when he drifted off I'd try and sneak out. If, like my son did, they stir at the slightest movement, I'd do it in stages, so hold hands, then just be sat next to the cot, then slightly further away, then slightly further away, then outside the door. If he cried when I got to outside the door, I just used to crack it open and say 'mummys here' I think it's a trust/security thing with some babies. Hope you get it sorted soon!
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard! My daughter has a condition where she cannot regulate her body temperature and wakes constantly because she is cold and i am running on empty most days so i feel your pain but always trust your own instincts. Don;t ever feel you are a bad mummy darling for wanting a little sleep. xxx
ReplyDeleteI think you have to do what you think is right in every aspect of parenting - as you say there's always fors and against for everything. I cannot let my children cry so I co-slept and breastfed my kids (oh and got very little sleep, but then it turned out my youngest had a disability). Best of luck with it all and remember it doesn't last forever - my teen could sleep for England lol.
ReplyDeleteIt is really, really hard. I co-slept with both for much longer than I intended because I didn't know how else to get them to sleep. 8 minutes and she's sleeping. That's a good thing. I hope it is the start of a regular good night's sleep for both of you x
ReplyDeleteI wish I could offer you the advice you wanted to hear.But I am a very much the 'can't be arsed' mum and opted for attachment parenting so I breastfed mine to sleep.My youngest two I co-slept with as I got a huge amount more sleep.When I cut down the evening feed I would cuddle and read to them instead of giving the boob.Then I would get them to select a toy to take to bed with them as a distraction.Fingers crossed you find a solution soon.
ReplyDeleteIt feels awful at the time, but I think only you really know whent the time's right to get a bit of space. I know two of mine would have breastfed to sleep indefinitely if they could, especially my son. But my eldest just wanted to get her head down for the night from about a year (she was never going to be an only child!). They're all so different.
ReplyDeleteIt's really tough and I think you just have to go with what feels right for you. POD sleeps all the way through now but she was a snacker. In the early days I didn't sleep much but boob used to send her off, for a bit anyway. When she had a mix of formula and boob, she slept better but that was after 100% boob. Probably no help at all but it will get easier :)
ReplyDeleteWe tried the leaving to cry method until Son was sick through crying, all over the electricity socket near to his cot and shorted the electics in the house!!
ReplyDeleteNow a teen, he sleeps fine :-)
You just have to do what is right for you and your family. Mine never slept well till about 11 months
ReplyDeleteI think everyone has their own parenting style and needs to do what they think is right. Good luck x x
ReplyDeleteMy daughter didnt sleep well until almost a year old...I ended up co sleeping initially and as she got older she started settling herself....a few nights I did let her cry but then couldnt do it so would pick her up! Hope your technique works for you!
ReplyDeleteit's such a toughie! Wilf was an awful sleeper and only now at two weeks before his second birthday did he sleep through the night. Everyone has to do what is right for them, you sound like you are doing a great job xx
ReplyDeleteThis is so hard, F went through a huge battle with his night sleeps and now even at three often wakes at least once a night. But do whatever you feel is right for you and your family. We ended up doing gradual retreat which worked for us. Remember you're doing great! x
ReplyDeleteI recall this phase well, I did the letting them cry it out and felt evil but for us it worked within 4 days and w all started to feel better because of it. It's just about getting them into a new routine and that can always be hard. Good luck with it x
ReplyDeleteI wasn't happy to let my son cry it out so we took a very softly softly approach with him. I would have gone in all the time, but he co-slept and then slept in our room until he was 9 months then we put him in his own room next to ours and I kept popping in to check on him.
ReplyDeleteEvery child is different and you have to do what suits you. We play music to help him sleep and have adapted his sleep routine with house move and then going up to a bigger bed.
I wish you luck as it's so hard to know what to do, but you will find a way xxx
It is really hard isn't it. I had huge issues with Isaac and if you continue to struggle I highly recommend that you check out childcareisfun.co.uk - Fiona has loads of tips on there which are gentle and kind. She will even write a bespoke plan for you if you want one and all for free xxx
ReplyDeleteIt is hard. I really hope that it all gets sorted for you soon.
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